I write. Sometimes.

Mostly I write to cope. I've been coping well, so not much to write. I also have a lot to say at bedtime, but I don't let myself write then because sleep is one of God's greatest gifts. Am I right, Mamas?

Anyway.

I'm writing today... To cope. Usually I don't get bogged down in the why's, and the how am I gonna do this, and I try super de duper hard to just look forward and onward and upward, because, to paraphrase someone who knows me well, I am optimistic as &+#*, right?

So... In an effort to regain my optimism this morning, I turned on my YouTube playlist called Songs of Truth, which has exactly two songs, because I have great intentions and less than stellar follow through.

Song number one - Reckless Love. If you haven't heard it, you must listen at least 6 times on repeat, then come back and continue reading.

There's no Shadow you won't light up

Mountain you won't climb up

Coming after me

There's no wall you won't tear down 

 Lie you won't tear down

Coming after me

Whoa. I love this song, mainly because each time I hear it, I focus in on a different part (hence my requirement for you to go listen 6 times before reading this).

Today...

There are a lot of lies that need tearing down for me. Lies that I try oh so hard not to listen to, but they're whispering to me anyway. 

I'm not going to tell you the lies humming around in my head, because I don't want to give them any more power than they already want, but I'm going to share the sweet sweet words that God gives me to tear those lies down.

I am not alone.

I am strong enough with his help.

None of this is a surprise to God.

I can do this.

I am worth this fight.

God gives good gifts.

Y'all. C sucks. Chemo sucks. It takes more from me than I want to admit. Dignity. Energy. Experiences. Strength.

But oh my. There is no Shadow of sadness or despair that God won't light up. Chemo is not a mountain too high for him to climb and reach me. There are no walls strong enough to keep him from me and there are certainly no lies big enough to make me believe them long enough to keep my God from me.

Why?

Because, HE IS COMING AFTER ME. 

Like, he's right behind me, gently ushering me through the door with a gentle hand on my back.

Or he's boosting me up onto a saddle I'm not tall enough to reach.

Or when I'm in despair and I'm hiding in my feelings and under the covers and just feel like I can't, he's running after me, coming after me, to lift me up and dispell the lies and shadows that try so dang hard to sneak in and find a foothold.

Not today, Satan, not today chemo, not today c.

My God gives good gifts.

But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the LORD's victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the LORD is with you!

2 Chronicles 20:17

PS, I've received 4 treatments, and I'm wallowing in the worst couple of days of this cycle and then should start to feel better any minute now. Then, a couple of good weeks and only 2 more cycles to go!!

And another PS... That verse says don't be discouraged. So I wanted to make sure I wasn't being discouraged, and see what I should be instead. This is gooooood.