Overcoming Adversity, Part 3

I know you've been waiting on pins and needles for this, the final installment of my Overcoming Adversity talk from MOPS.

If you haven't already, stop and go read Part 1 and Part 2 before you continue. I'll wait.

Okay, here we go...

3. Focus Forward

I could spend a lot of time asking why.

Why me, Lord??? What did I do to deserve this awful diagnosis?

And on a more practical level, why me... what choices did I make with regard to my body and my health, or what have I been exposed to in my lifetime, that could have made my body turn against me like this?

But in reality, those kinds of questions aren't helpful, because the truth is, it doesn't matter why.

Let me say that again.

It
Doesn't
Matter
Why

Knowing why doesn't make me able to suddenly go back and change anything. What matters is, I am HERE, in the midst of this mess, and I don't want to stay HERE.

So instead of wasting my time asking why, and feeling sorry for myself, I choose to focus my energy and my thoughts forward. Here are some more relevant questions I ask myself:

What do I need to do TODAY to get through this? Tomorrow?
What am I going to do with myself when this is all over?
What parts of my life - the good stuff - can I hold onto right now, during the crazy, so that I don't feel robbed?
How can I use this crappy situation to lift others up, and bring glory to God?

Y'all.
Being diagnosed with bc at 33 sucks. I'm not trying to sugar coat that. But by doing these three things -
     Accepting help,
     Watching my inputs, and
     Focusing forward,
I am pretty confident that I'm in a position to walk this journey in the best way I can.

I might have been given a cactus, but I don't have to sit on it!

I will be your God throughout your lifetime, until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and I will save you!

Isaiah 46:4

So, my current status: I finally got my infusion on Friday (attempt #4). My white counts are back up where they need to be, but my platelets are even lower. Off to the hematologist I go on Tuesday, to try and find a cause and/or a solution for this. 

In case you're wondering, platelets are what makes your blood clot, so that you don't bleed out over a minor cut. Mine aren't dangerously low, so I'm not super concerned, but they're trending downward so we've got to reverse that trend before they get too low.

I'm feeling great overall - I'm just about over a bad cold, and the infusion wasn't bad. Radiation is going well - I actually look forward to it because they have a jigsaw puzzle in the waiting room, and I love puzzles!

Overcoming Adversity, Part 2

As promised, here's part 2 of my Overcoming Adversity chat from MOPS. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and read Part 1.

2.  Watch your inputs.

I truly believe that whatever you put into yourself, whatever you fill yourself up with, is what is going to come out of you.

Think of a sponge. You put a sponge in plain water and then squeeze, clean water is coming out. You soak a sponge in soapy water, and you're going to get soapy water when you squeeze it. And if you follow that soapy water with a quick dunk in some clean water, and squeeze it again? You're still going to get soapy water.

So for me, that means being pretty strict about what shows I watch, what music I listen to, what I read on Facebook. I'm not saying I only watch G-rated movies. Well, mostly I do, because of the boys. What I'm saying is, you will not catch me watching something that's going to make me cry, even if it's "a good cry" moment at the end of a chick flick, because I've found that that just brings me down too much. There's no This Is Us on my DVR. I'm very diligent about the content I consume on Facebook and just online in general. The "hide post" button is my friend.

Life is too precious to be clouded by sadness, bitterness, anger, and all that other nasty stuff that doesn't even pertain to me, so I filter it out.

Some of my favorite scriptures that I've been leaning on:

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power. His understanding is beyond measure.  Psalm 147:5

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 

Ephesians 3:20

I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? 

Jeremiah 32:27

If you're wondering what's going on with my treatment.... I'm 6 days into radiation, and it's going great. No side effects to speak of, hallelujah. And they have a jigsaw puzzle in the waiting room, which I'm really loving, even if I only get a minute or two to play some days!

My blood work is still a little off, and the doctor I've been seeing is STILL delaying my infusion because of that, which is frustrating. If he delays again, I'm going back to my normal doctor at the medical center. She's not sure why he's delaying it, since these meds don't impact the bloodwork and it's just leftovers from chemo.

Also, I have a cold, and it's the pits, but hopefully I'm on the mend!

I promise to share Part 3 sooner than I got around to posting Part 2... Honestly? I forgot to hit post, woops!

There's Always Something...

Well, I was all set to publish Part 2 of my MOPS talk today, but something came up. There's always something, right?

So yesterday, I was scheduled to receive my Herceptin/Perjeta infusion (second try for this round), but my blood work still wasn't right, so we had to delay it again. The plan is to try again Monday.

I have questions outstanding to my primary oncologist, but that's neither here nor there.

I was SO frustrated when the doctor told me we had to postpone AGAIN. He walked away and, to quote my friend Mrs. Billie, my eyes leaked a bit. Cancer is just so freaking inconvenient, amiright? It just gets in the way of everything.

So, I'm leaving the hospital after my non-infusion. A nice lady asked me which floor I needed on the elevator. Then she asked me how my day was going. I briefly considered complaining, but just said it was alright and asked how hers was. I'll admit, I had kind of a "woe is me" tone to my voice, but I didn't say anything else. 

She reflexively answered that it was fine, or some other semi-positive, non-thinking response we give strangers by default.

Then: My husband is in ICU.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I told her.

She continued: But they took the breathing tube out. He's breathing on his own now.

That's wonderful news, I told her. That's an improvement, a big step!

But there was more to the story: He tried to commit suicide, she continued.

I was absolutely floored. I told her I was so sorry. 

It happens, she said.

As if it was a frequent occurrence.

A non-event.

Forgetting your lunch at home, happens.

Getting a flat tire, happens.

Being late to the dentist, happens.

But your husband attempting suicide? It doesn't just happen.

Except, for her, it happens. I don't know if it has happened before, or if it will happen again. But my goodness, my heart just broke for her. I had no words, and I awkwardly hugged her.

And I realized, more completely than possibly ever before, that there's always, always, always something to be thankful for.

My family is healthy and happy. I am winning this battle, navigating this inconvenient detour in the middle of my own happy, healthy life. I am loved and supported by SO many. My daily needs are met. I could go on and on. There is so so much to be thankful for.

And you know what?

She might have found something to be thankful for as well. "My husband is going to be alright," she might be thinking. "It could be worse: we could be facing cancer, like that poor lady on the elevator."

You never really know what roads others are traveling. And you never know if your road looks better, or worse, than theirs.

But regardless of what road you're on, or where you're at on that road, there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Choose to see those things today.