Lookin' Good, Feelin' Good.

I hear it all the time: You look good. Really good.

And I respond with: Thank you. I feel great. Really great.

That's usually where I change the subject, because I get a little self-conscious. But in reality? I should keep talking. I should say that the reason I look so good and I feel so good is because God is so good. 

Because He cares for me. 

Because He strengthens me and encourages me. 

Because He gives me peace on the inside when the storm rages outside.

Because He shows me how to find joy when I feel like I'm drowning in sorrow.

Because He lavishes his love on me, through family and friends who love me well.

Because He gives me wisdom and guidance as I listen to my doctors and sort through all the information out there.

Because God is so so good, I can look good and feel good.

So next time you see me, and you think I'm looking good, and I tell you I'm feeling good, now you know - it's not me, it's all God's doing!

Choices

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. Either I can't fall asleep, or something wakes me up and then I can't turn my mind off long enough to fall back to sleep for what feels like hours and hours.

A could of nights ago, as I was laying awake, the word CHOICE popped into my head. Choose, choice, imaging myself choosing something - I could just feel the essence of a choice right in front of me.

You have a choice, I heard. What are you going to choose?

Okayyyy.... I choose sleep. Sleep, I'm choosing you! Where are you, my dear friend sleep? 

Nothing. 

Well actually the opposite of nothing - lots and lots and lots of thoughts just continuing to flow. But sadly, no sleep.

Part of the problem: the overarching theme of that barrage of mental images and scenarios playing in my head and keeping me up at night is fear, worry, anxiety.

I've never been one to say I have anxiety, never been diagnosed with any sort of anxiety disorder, but the more I learn about it, the more I feel like anxiety has been a monster under my bed for most of my life. Most times, I do really well at ignoring it and going about life as usual, but sometimes I can hear it scruffling around under there and I'm paralyzed to do anything but wait it out.

But back to the other night. So clearly, I felt that *I* am to choose. I'm not 100% sure what that means, but that night, it meant tuning out the images of what ifs and problems and choosing to focus on something good. I chose the lyrics of a worship song, and now I don't even remember which one, but I just focused on one chorus, over and over and over, and before I knew it, it was 8 am and I had been sleeping peacefully for the rest of the night.

Something else I struggle with is waking up in a good mood. Or I should say, being woken up (by anyone or anything) often puts me in a bad mood. I don't know what it is exactly, and it doesn't seem to matter how much or how little sleep I've had, or whether it's a reasonable time to wake up or not. I just tend to not wake up in a good mood.

Back to that choosing thing... I can choose what kind of mood I wake up in. Or at least what kind of mood I continue in. Because if we're being honest here, sometimes when I wake up grumpy, I cling to that grouchiness long after events of the morning should have cheered me up.

I'm not saying I can choose for my problems to disappear. But I can choose the attitude I'll have when facing them. I can choos to focus on the problems (real or imagined) or the source of peace.

I choose peace.

Brief

Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.

Psalms 90:12 NLT

This is my daily Bible verse on my phone app. If I'm being honest, I ignore the app about half the time, and many other days, I just barely read it as quick as I can before dismissing the notification, with hardly another thought.

Life is short, y'all. That's such a common phrase, and most of the time it's used in reference to slowing down, enjoying the good times, making the best of the time we are here, and so on and so on. 

But you know what? It applies to our struggles and trials, too. Whatever it is you're going through today, the "brevity of life" means that it's only a season, and it too shall pass.

So chin up, friend! Look for the wisdom as you walk your walk, and remember it's only a season.