Overcoming Adversity, Part 1

A few weeks ago, I was invited to be a part of a panel of ladies speaking on the topic of Overcoming Adversity at our local MOPS meeting.

If you aren't familiar with MOPS, it's Mothers of Preschoolers, and it's a Christian moms' group where we get together, eat yummy food, hear some uplifting words, maybe do a little craft or service project, and just spend time pouring into each other, and remembering that we don't have to walk this phase of life alone. It's a great group, and I've had the privilege of being a part of this group for five years now, so I was very honored to be asked to speak.

When I received the request, I was elated, and immediately responded that I'd love to speak. Within minutes, I knew exactly what I was going to say, because God is cool like that. Y'all, I'm not a person who enjoys speaking in front of more than about 3 people, and we're talking about 75 ladies. But even so, I was SO excited for the entire month or so between being asked and getting to speak.

I thought it'd be nice to share with you the words I spoke to the mamas at our meeting, because I feel like they were God-given, and they're relevant to you even if you're not fighting the same fight as me. 

So many friends tell me that I'm an inspiration, or they admire my cheerful outlook through my journey. I can be cliche, and tell you that "God is carrying me through." That is so very true, but it's not really the most helpful thing to say, because in reality, it's kind of hard to "just stay focused on God" when your world is turned upside down by an unexpected diagnosis and you suddenly find yourself incapable of living your life in the same way as before.

So instead, I'm going to give you three concrete steps that I have found to be helpful for me. They are:

1. Accept help
2. Watch your inputs
3. Focus forward

I think these are valid things to do when life is chugging merrily along, but when life hits you with the hard stuff, these things become vital to survive. One of my favorite verses that I've leaned on through all of this is about getting into position, and I think these three things put me in the best position for winning this fight.

In 2 Chronicles 20, King Jehoshaphat was surrounded by three different enemies, and facing an unwinnable battle. He called on God's people to pray and fast in preparation for the upcoming fight, and after three days, the prophet said to him:

But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord's victory. He is with you... Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against the enemy, for the Lord is with you!

2 Chronicles 20:17

A little disclaimer: I definitely have my down days. Days when I cry, and wallow in my emotions, throw a full on pity party, and just generally feel like I can't fight this fight. But by and large, these are the things I try to do as much as possible to get through this battle.

1. Accept help.

When friends hear that you're going through something, they want to fix it. And sadly, they can't. The next best thing, though, is if they can help make your problem suck a little less.

Think of it this way: when you are the giver of help, whether it's holding the door for a disabled person, or bringing a meal to someone after surgery, how do you feel? Good, right? So when you're the one going through a trial, and you tell your friends no, you don't need anything but thanks for asking, you're robbing them of that feel-good feeling.

There are certain things that only YOU are able to do when you're going through a trial. For me, that's showing up for chemo. For doctor's appointments. For radiation. It's taking care of myself, resting when my body says No More! Taking medicine that helps one thing, but causes it's own issue. I am the only one who can do those things. 

But, like it or not, there are things that are normally a part of my wheelhouse that I can let go of. I am not the only one who can feed my family. Load the dishwasher. Do the laundry. Rock my baby to sleep. I may feel, in my heart of hearts, that I do those things best, because I'm Mama. I know the best way to put the plates in the dishwasher so they get clean and the whole sink full of dishes fits. But, can someone else take over those tasks for a little while, without my interference, and everyone survive? Absolutely. It's okay if the towels are folded differently than I prefer, honest.

So don't be too prideful to accept help when it's offered. And if it's not offered? Speak up about needing a hand. And while you're at it, tell people what is actually helpful for you. People love helping, truly, so give them the opportunity to help you, so that you can focus on what you need to do to get through the battle.

And, because I'm just a little bit mean, you're going to have to come back another day to find out what else I had to say to the lovely MOPS mamas!