Imperfect is Okay

Imperfect.

It's a paralyzing condition for me - I am a perfectionist, and if I am going to do A New Thing, I want it to be done just right. A new Bible study? I want to sit down with my highlighters and a nice fresh journal and really dig in. Make a new dish? I want to use all the kitchen gadgets I never use, plus make sure I've got fantastic (and new!) sides to go with.

Except... those conditions never happen. Ever. Because, well, life is busy happening. And so, more often than not, I let the fear of imperfection stop me from even starting that new thing. Or, I find myself doing the absolute bare minimum - if I can't do it just right, then I might as well not even be doing it, except I have to, so here's my half-hearted attempt so I can check it off the to do list. 

But the funny thing is, I'm imperfect. Yep, I said it, I am not perfect. It should come as no surprise to me then, that the things I do, the life I live, is also imperfect. But each time I set my sights on something, and then either quit altogether or woefully underperform because I know I cannot do it as well as I'd like so I don't even really try, I still feel defeated or guilty or less than.

This blog, for example. I started it as a way to let friends and family keep up with what's going on with my treatment. Sometimes, there's nothing going on, so I don't write for ages. Other times, my writing is free therapy (for me, not you, although I do hope someone enjoys the words on this page). But because it's not perfect - filled with engaging, daily posts with lovely photos and read by many - I sometimes feel like I shouldn't even bother with it anymore. 

Here's the thing, though. I'm enjoying this bit of creativity, however imperfect it may be. And the last Bible study I did? I enjoyed that too, despite the fact that my highlighters were completely absent for the entire 6 weeks, and some days I found myself doing several days of readings to catch up to my small group.

Life is imperfect. And that's okay, because even the imperfect things can bring us joy. 

And, just because blogs are more fun with pictures, here you go:

Further proof of my imperfection: Luke's birthday was October 26, and his party was the weekend before that. These adorable photos were taken on........ December 10. And now, I've moved the LUKE balloons to his room, amid the perfectly curated gallery of decorations on his navy accent wall, because he pointed at it very forcefully and said Blue! when I tried to hang it on the empty gray wall. And I swapped out the D for a J, and so the last three balloons in BIRTHDAY are now on Jay's wall. So now my dining room says HAPPY BIRTH. We are getting some real mileage out of these birthday decorations, because that's how things go in this imperfect house. And that's okay.